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Thank you for this. It is indeed inspiring. (And wonderful that you ficus on animals, imho)

thank you for the links, i will look into them.
Interesting, that condition. I hadn't heard of it. From where i sit, it seems to have advantages, but i'm sure downsides too, as you say. 

thank you. seeing meditation as not just sitting meditation is something that resonates. i do have moments when i may be doing whatever and when i try to be more present and check myself and relax. that seems to do something, at least.

I have actually done a few mediations in plum village. i loved the atmosphere there, but the meditation sessions were as tortuous as elsewhere :) Still, I have at times considered spending a couple of weeks there to see if that would have more effect.

thanks for the offer to chat. right now i'm in a giving up-mood (re. meditation) but when i come out of that again and want to give it another shot (as always happens) I may take you up on that. i appreciate it.

Thank you, everyone, for your comments. Many of them sort of reframed my dilemma in different terms, and confirmed my doubts (not a bad thing). And at the same time I was also moved and comforted by the empathy displayed. I remain happy to be part of this community.

thanks, I've felt this value of light vs hardcore as well...

what you say relates to the last point I made, I think: what does the behavior (time or money) compete with (or displace). Is that money or time taken from one's charity budget, or from e.g. one's entertainment budget? I guess there's good ways to track that if one is honest with oneself.

I guess I'm thinking that if A is 20k times as good as B, it's really not very good to do B even if B is a little bit good in itself :-) 

thank you. your hamster situation sounds quite similar. I guess for myself I'm wondering if it can be a bug and a feature at the same time :-)

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