Excuse me sir! Could I interest you in a list of the most cost effective global health charities?

Oh, and while you’re looking over that, consider donating to support shrimp welfare, the rights of some quintillion future simulated beings, and research into philosophy of mind intended to prevent the destruction of humanity by an AI designed to assist in the production of paperclips.


Welcome to effective altruism!


We’re glad you came to peruse our wares

We didn't mean to give you a scare

We just meant to say, if you really cared

You’d take a closer look


We hear you’ve been helping out the needy

But perhaps you’re being a little bit greedy

Buying a fuzzy feeling or personal treaty

Granting you freedom from guilt


Isn’t it better to do good the best?

Get the facts and guesstimate the rest

Put your ethics to the ultimate test

And do whatever it takes


Push that man in front of the trolley

Steal all the organs and by golly

Don’t let anyone tell you it’s folly

To justify such means


It's high time to maximize utility

Preventing the end may betray its futility

But if you come with me we’ll find your suitability

For helping us out while you can


But really, from a suffering-focused, non-speciesist perspective, the end of all life on earth might actually be a good th—

Wait, where’d you go?




Sorted by Click to highlight new comments since:

Please forgive my colleague's brio

A lot of these ideas may seem to

Show a lot of quants and weirdos

Who are rather lost in math (with lots of zeroes!)


But take it back to foremost principles

Do we know what a person is, you know?

Consider small and distant minds

Both in spacetime an' individuals


Accelerate and tesselate

Or end all races' genetic fate

Both seem in expected case

A little bit meth-headed, ay'?


But common sense has lost its head - it's almost dead

And often tends to problems when

Denial bent and bias-ed 

To Universal Darwin ends


Not so good for long-end bets

...Or altruists


We're selfish gene machines and see

We block our ears from hearing people's screams

Going by at streaming speeds through teeming farming factories

It's sad to see


Market forces aren't so awesome

When they don't consider loss to

Common lots and logs  and oughts-to's 

To those who mostly bear the costs of



So let's super-cooperate and opt to stay

On top of all things tossed our way

Awesome, great - but how do we best operate?

(Vinding's sure got lots to say...)


But I've run long

So to all good-bye

I'm off to shut-up

And multiply!

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