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From Clickhole, a project of The Onion now owned by Cards Against Humanity:

Hero: When This Man Heard That A Handful Of People Are Crushed Each Year From Vending Machines Tipping Over, He Decided To Hold Out For A Bigger Problem To Address

Okay, now this is going to make you feel good.

He may not be a household name, but Brian Hunter of Houston, Texas, is as big a hero as you’ll ever meet. When Brian found out that a handful of people are crushed to death each year when vending machines tip over onto them, this selfless warrior chose to hold out for a bigger problem to address.

Truly inspiring!

Instead of assuming countless responsibilities in support of vending machine safety, Brian boldly decided to keep looking for a more pressing issue. It was an easy decision for Brian, who, after being informed that vending-machine-related accidents kill an average of around two to three people per year, concluded that his calling in life was still yet to be determined.

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Sorted by Click to highlight new comments since:

Clickhole is in fact no longer owned by The Onion! It was bought by the Cards Against Humanity team in early 2020. (link)

I also consider their famous article Heartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Point an enormous contribution to the epistemic habits of the internet.

Wow, big news! I've made the necessary correction and changed the title.

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