Hello,

Thank you for paying attention to my concerns. My condition has improved greatly. I was able to return to work and a normal life. The work with the psychologist was very beneficial.

I will keep these moral questions in a corner of my mind if I ever feel like thinking about them calmly one day.

Thank you again for your advice and for taking my well-being seriously!

Hello,

Thanks for your answers :-)
I've gone a week without doing compulsive research on the issues that bother me. It was a hard effort but I am already much better. I am able to read again, spend a pleasant evening with friends, talk about unimportant subjects such as video games and most importantly, I am sleeping well again.

I continue my efforts :-)

Have a nice day!

Thank you very much for your answer. It seems to me very convincing :-)

As explained above, I won't be spending much more time here in the next few days because my psychologist has wisely advised me not to think about these issues until my condition improves considerably.

But you have lucidly answered some of my fears. Which I can't do right now.
I hope to be able to discuss these issues with you or with other members of this community in the future.

Thanks for your time :-)

Hello,

You have perfectly summarized my state of mind. For now, my problem with medication is not so strong. I have returned to live with my parents and my partner is with me. They make sure I take my medication every morning.

I have noted the link you sent me in case of suicidal thoughts.

Unfortunately, I don't have my psychiatrist's email address because I got the appointments with him through the emergency room. But I can easily access the psychiatric emergency room of a hospital near my home in case of problems.

I did send the link of this discussion to my psychologist that I saw yesterday. He is also very concerned about the situation and I am considering hospitalization with him. On the other hand, since one of my compulsions is to search on the internet for resources related to my questions. He strongly advised me not to do it anymore. I have asked my family to take away my phone and computer except under their supervision. So I may not be able to go on the internet anymore or hardly at all in the next few days.

He also took seriously the risk of suicidal thoughts. But I think the risk is low for the time being. Until yesterday, I was still going to my job. I am a high school math teacher. I called in sick today because my classes were getting messy and I can't grade tests at home. But I have not had any risky behavior in class. Just a lot of fatigue and a lot of math mistakes. Fortunately, my students are good and they were correcting me :p

Thanks for your time :-)

Thanks for your answer :-)
I'll store this somewhere and try to think about it when my brain is able to :-)

Thanks for your answer :-)
I thought that in the classic presentations of the bet, the usefulness of heaven was infinite: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/pascal-wager/

Even assuming I consider it finite, I make a reasoning like "some people consider hell to be of infinite utility, so there is a tiny probability that hell is of infinite utility so the number one moral priority is to try to prevent as many people from going there"

For the counter-argument that two people going to hell is worse than one, I would tend to think of it as some infinities being greater than others (as in mathematics).

I don't really understand the argument of finite utility that continues to infinity. It seems to me that this is the key point of the argument. Hell would be a torture that lasts forever. I don't quite see what would be similar in our physical universe where all conscious life will eventually die out in several billion years.

Sorry if I have misunderstood and if I am not explaining myself clearly. My mind is anything but clear.
I just want to clarify that I am a very strong atheist and I am not trying to convince anyone here.  But I have heard believers defend Pascal's wager in defense of their religion and I have never really found a fully satisfactory objection. For each argument, I quickly think of a counter argument and my dilemma goes on and on.In practice, I live as an atheist and I don't stop anyone from eating pork (although I once almost had an anxiety attack when my father ate bacon in front of me).

Thank you for your answer.
In fact, I am already followed by a psychologist and a psychiatrist :-(
The diagnosis is between obsessive-compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.
I'm doing a CBT with the psychologist and the psychiatrist is managing an antidepressant treatment that should help me decrease my obsessive thoughts.

The psychologist has advised me to think about these topics for one or two hours a week at a scheduled time. Apparently, this can help deal with the obsession. The psychiatrist thought it was also a good idea for me to find a philosopher to talk about these topics, but I haven't really found anyone whose work relates to my concerns. I live in Belgium and speak French. My English is not good enough to talk orally about these topics with an English speaker.

I have talked to my relatives about this issue but they don't really have satisfactory answers to my questions. I feel that these questions are too difficult to answer like this.

I regularly write down my questions, I already have about 40 in 3 weeks :'(
I also compulsively stored articles about Pascal's wager, fanaticism, etc. But I confess that I am confused and I don't know where to start. Thinking about my well-being seems to be the right solution for the moment but it's difficult. I feel like a selfish person. The questions keep coming up with every decision. I hesitate every morning to take my medication because I sometimes think that if I get better, I will stop thinking about these important issues. I don't trust any of my reasoning anymore. I have a little voice in my head that keeps taunting me and telling me that I am being irrational.

I'm not even sure why I posted this yesterday. Maybe it was an act of desperation.

Thanks for your answer. I will try to follow your advice as best I can :-)