Finding a Better Way of Relating to an Uncertain Future

TL;DR This posts walks you through an exercise to investigate an unwanted emotional reaction to existential risk like anxiety or doomscrolling, and then to develop a better alternative: how would you like to respond and feel, what attitude would you like to take? Lastly, you can investigate resistance to taking on this new attitude and potentially discover a hidden purpose that your pattern is fulfilling for you.

This is part 2 of my series on dealing with the emotional challenges around potential doom scenarios, like AI-caused extinction, climate catastrophe, or ecological and social collapse. Click for part 1: Leaning into the Apocalypse.

In the last post, we investigated our fears in more detail. This time, we will develop a vision of how we want to be in relation to an uncertain future and investigate what might make us hold on to our current patterns.

The goal here is not just to quickly move into a better emotional state through positive visualization, even though that can be a pleasant side effect. The first goal is to get clarity on where we want to go because often, when we face emotional challenges, we know what we don’t want, but have only a vague idea of what we want. Defining an attractive, positive pole that complements the negative one gives our query a clear direction.

Secondly, we can use this exercise to investigate resistance and learn something about what the unwanted pattern might be doing for us unconsciously. Sometimes we hold on to uncomfortable feelings or behaviors not because we want them, but because we unconsciously expect that letting go of them would be even worse.

Doom is such a powerful and emotionally charged idea that it can take on an outsized role in our inner lives. It can become entangled with all kinds of personal fears, needs, and psychological patterns: a desire to be a hero or save the world, feelings of moral responsibility or guilt, struggles with powerlessness, fears of death, and more. As a result, our psychological reactions to and dynamics around these threats may be shaped by much more than the threats themselves.

It is my strong belief that finding a better way, even a good way of being with the potential catastrophes is possible. This is my working hypothesis: it is never necessary nor useful to feel really bad or like we’re against ourselves. This doesn’t mean that strong emotions like fear or sadness or rage never come up, but I think we can experience them as fundamentally okay if we are in alignment with them. It might take some creativity and consideration to find such an attitude!

So let’s take some steps towards a better, more aligned way of being with the circumstances we find ourselves in. To begin, we take a closer look at our current unwanted reactions. These can include feelings like anxiety, behaviors like doomscrolling, or thoughts like “The world will end soon.” Often all of these occur together.

Pick a pattern of feeling, thought, or behavior that you would like to change. Then ask:

1. When: When does it occur? Are there specific triggers? Is it always there? Is it stronger or weaker at certain times?
2. What: What specifically happens? Which thoughts, feelings, body sensations, behaviors, etc. occur? What is the felt sense of it?

Now that we have some more clarity on the pattern itself, we try to build up a vision in imagination of how we would like to be in response to the triggers, or what kind of attitude you would like to take.

At this point it is crucial to make this new idea as vivid, realistic, and embodied as possible. It’s easy to think, “I would just like to be happy,” but if verbal answers like that come up, try to imagine what it would be like for you to be like that, what it would look and feel like.

I encourage you to be ambitious with your goals here. Be honest with yourself: how would you actually like to feel? What would feel genuinely good while still being appropriate to the situation?

Here are some questions to help you develop this vision.

• How would you like to feel, think, act, or be in the situation/when the trigger occurs? What kind of attitude would you like to take?
• What would it mean to be rid of the unwanted experiences? What would be there in their place? What would be the opposite of the unwanted experiences?
• What would an accepting attitude be like?

Sometimes, especially in the face of very existential circumstances, we can’t easily come up with a way we could be okay in the face of them. Using a person we admire or consider wise (real or fictional, from religion, literature, film, or your life, or a wise/older version of yourself/inner grandparent) as a role model can help:

• How would this role model be in this situation? Can you imagine yourself being like that?

Another prompt I like is:

• If your problem was solved magically overnight, how would you know? What would your experience of waking up and going about your day be like? What would be different?

Now, in trying to imagine this new attitude, you might have encountered some resistance, like your mind not wanting to go there. This in fact is an important clue to a deeper insight. Simply said: if this is our preferred attitude, why don’t we take it? An answer can be: because our unwanted patterns are fulfilling an important (but unconscious) purpose for us that a part of us doesn’t want to let go of.

Getting behind this can be powerful for at least two reasons. First, when we realize we get something out of our supposedly unwanted behaviors, that in some sense we are doing them, we can step into a new sense of agency and coherence. We see that we are not somehow bad for ourselves or working against ourselves, but actually have a good reason for acting the way we do. So even if we continue with supposedly negative behaviors and emotions, this process can help us own them.

A second effect is that seeing through the logic behind our patterns can lead us to reevaluate that logic. As long as it is unconscious, we cannot scrutinize it with our conscious faculties. But once we become aware of it, we might realize that the problem is actually not a problem or our solution not the best solution anymore.

So, when trying to imagine what it would be like to take your desired attitude, what kind of resistance comes up for you? Do you expect some unwelcome or feared consequence? Or could it mean something bad about you or the world if you were like that? It is also not uncommon that this inquiry reveals some grief that wants to be felt or for it to have some effect on how you view your relationships.

The resistance can come up as a feeling, a subtle voice, or an image of the feared consequence. Be gentle and play around with different ways of coaxing it out. In general, try not to think about or analyze the situation too much, but rather connect with an intuitive sense. For example, you can try to just speak from your gut and see what comes up. Starting a sentence with “No! I can’t be that way because …” can help.

When you discover some unwelcome consequence of taking your desired attitude, you can simply sit with it and try to feel how your pattern is protecting you from it/doing something important for you. Deepening and integrating this new awareness can lead to a lasting inner shift.

To make this more concrete, let’s look at an example. A person could be struggling with anxiety and rumination about potential AI catastrophes. Their nervous system is always on high alert, creating rapid thoughts about the issue as well as physical symptoms like tension in the abdomen. The feeling wants them to constantly pay attention and do more about the issue.

On reflection, they might come to the conclusion that they would actually like to calmly consider what they can do, implement it as far as is reasonable, and then not think or worry about it anymore. But when they imagine actually letting go of the worry, something feels wrong. "If I stop worrying, I'm giving up. I'm just helplessly waiting for whatever happens." Without the anxiety, they would have to feel strong feelings of powerlessness or even grief.

So the anxiety and rumination might actually serve to avoid these even more difficult experiences. This recognition doesn’t immediately solve the issue but might open some options. For example, they could commit to feeling those underlying feelings of powerless just a little bit more instead of avoiding them. They could also reflect on whether the strategy of constant anxiety and rumination is actually accomplishing what it is aiming for, more control, or whether the constantly aroused state actually impedes effective action, leading to less actual control.

What comes up for you might be completely different and can be highly dependent on your personal life and emotional history. So keep an open mind!

Any feedback is welcome!

Best, Tilman 🌊