TLDR; In this retreat, we will practice noticing what action we want to take that is important to us and where we don't feel conflicted about. We will practice how to get out of states where you don't feel there is any good action to choose or states where you are confused about what to do, like when you don't like that you are procrastinating but neither like to do the important task or in a social situation where you feel uncomfortable but don't know what to do about it.
You can register using the register button linking to a Google Form.
Full description
We all have an idea of what our ideal behavior would look like. If only we could act like we want to act, that would be amazing. Yet, we feel a victim to our minds.
Imagine you wake up and know you have an important task to do, but instead, you keep snoozing. You think it might be better to rest before working, only to find yourself laying in bed the whole day, scrolling through X or doing a lot of small but not crucial tasks, which causes you to feel increasingly uneasy. We often already know that this is not what we want to do; there is a sense that we want to do something else than we are currently doing, so instead of fully resting, we distract ourselves from feeling this uneasy feeling. But working on the important task also seems aversive. It is as if we feel there is no good action to choose, creating a sense of being trapped.
Noticing what we care about
This trapped state exists because we feel conflicted and wish we did something else than we are currently doing. Therefore, we feel some discomfort. We then try to get rid of the discomfort using our habitual patterns which often involves distracting ourselves. However, our normal habitual patterns only create more discomfort and don’t resolve it, keeping this open loop and creating a feeling of being trapped.
In this retreat, we will learn how to get out of this trapped state by practicing the skill of noticing what action we want to take that is important to us. This is done by becoming entirely comfortable, letting your breath return to its natural breathing pace, and realizing that you are safe in this moment. This teaches us that we are fine and that discomfort is not necessary. From that position, we can get clear on what is important to us to do right now. Additionally, we will learn what to do in these trapped states when no good option seems available. After becoming more skilled in the mental move that needs to be made, we can do it faster and faster, eventually correcting our behavior on the fly in real-life situations.
This skill might be one of the most important to practice because if you can improve your ability to notice what is important to you with greater clarity, that will make all the other things in your life more efficient.
What does this state of doing what feels important looks like
If the technique sounds confusing, imagine when you felt completely safe and relaxed. For example, with your best friend. In that case, you often do what you feel like doing; you are just being yourself and authentic. When we are in this state, life doesn’t feel complicated; it feels smooth and effortless. We want to act from this state all the time. However, in situations that are not associated with joy, we might be less familiar with it. But also, in these settings, there is a way to act and behave that feels meaningful and authentic. As if we are just doing our thing. This is a state with maximum engagement in the task at hand, using all our cognitive resources to do the things we care about the most. We can be in this state during a meeting, a programming task, or letting our dog out in the park.
Schedule
More concretely, we will
Morning
- Explain the technique of noticing what feels important and noticing when something feels off that wants attention.
- Explain why this is beneficial and worthwhile to practice
- Practice noticing what feels important until something comes up that doesn’t feel off and we feel motivated to do that.
Afternoon
- Learn what to do if we feel conflicted and there doesn't seem to be a good option
- Learn common pitfalls in which we are sabotaging and distracting ourselves
- Practice noticing the difference between helpful and unhelpful thoughts
- Practice noticing the difference between valuable feelings we want to investigate further and unhelpful feelings that don't contain any information.
- We will have an optional breath work session in the late afternoon. This technique helps us become more present and aware of our feelings, which can help us notice what feels important.
Evening
- Reflection and closing circle
How do I participate?
- Fill out this Google Form to register for the retreat.
- You can optionally book a call. During this call, we can address any uncertainties, confusion, or questions you might have or point you to resources to help you get the most out of the retreat.
Is this retreat suitable for me?
This retreat is suitable for you
- If you have no experience with emotional processing or are already experienced, people at any stage of their journey are welcome to join. Beginners are especially welcome.
- If you often feel confused or do not agree with your own behavior and want a way to get out of that confusion or correct your behavior to what you want to do.
- If you are curious about learning more about the tools that can help make sense of your emotions and want a dedicated time and space to practice them.
- If you want to understand why you are sometimes executing unhelpful behavior and want to do something about it.
If you have any other uncertainties or doubts you'd like to discuss, don't hesitate to book a call with me or reach out on Meetup or the EA Forum.
Logistics and other essential things
- The event will take place in the EA Office in Amsterdam, arriving at 10:00, and the program starts at 10:30 and ends around 20:30. Open socializing until 21:30. The address is HNK Houthavens 20-200 building, Van Diemenstraat 92, Amsterdam
- I will provide a safe container and the structure and guidance of the retreat. Bring anything you need yourself, including food, drinking bottles, meditation pillows, and yoga mats. We can use the yoga studio in addition to the office space; there are a few yoga mats. There is also a small kitchen, fridge with limited space, and microwave, but cooking is not possible, and the cafeteria is closed on the weekend. The supermarket is within walking distance and can be visited during the breaks.
- It is possible to join or leave later or earlier during the breaks, but the idea is that you join for the whole day. If you join or leave earlier/later, let me know.
- If something gets too much, you can always opt out of an exercise and take some quiet time yourself.
- The retreat might bring up some personal things. You do not have to share anything you don't want to share. If you decide to share something, the default policy will be not to share it further in a way that might identify the person who said it.
- You are welcome to bring anyone you would like, but they must fill out the Google Form so I know who is coming.
- The event is pay-what-you-want, and you can decide how much to pay after the event is over. I want you to be truly comfortable with not paying anything if you don't want to. I don't rely on any money from retreats for financial stability.
About Me
This is an independently organized event (not an official EA Netherlands event) by me, Raymond Koopmanschap. I have been engaged in effective altruism for more than 5 years now. I have run several emotional well-being workshops at the EA Summer camp and the LessWrong Community weekend, managed a four-day event for CFAR alums, and organized two retreats like this in Amsterdam, which were well-received and excited me to organize another retreat.
I got excited to organize these retreats because of my own journey to increase my emotional well-being and the significant progress I made. My models and knowledge mainly come from a large amount of self-experimentation, other experienced people in the field, people I tried to help, and, of course, these retreats where I collect data on how well they went and what worked and whatnot.
