TL;DR If you are thinking about suicide, please talk to someone. It works. (call or text 988 in the USA)

I have had suicidal ideation several times in my life, and I also worked as a crisis counselor on a hotline. I have seen the results firsthand. There is enormous value in being open, honest, and vulnerable with another human being, and having them show up with acceptance, compassion, and kindness.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a year since I learned that EA Anywhere founder Marisa took her own life. I appreciate Draft Amnesty Week which allowed me to finally press Publish.

There are many reasons you might feel like your life isn’t worth living anymore. For me, I had been severely depressed for a while, and I had no hope it would get better. I didn’t want to die, per se; I just wanted the chronic pain to go away. I have a lot of empathy for people who use drugs to self-medicate, though I never did.

A common symptom is a feeling of disconnection. Feelings of worthlessness, being a burden, being embarrassed or ashamed, feeling that you cannot share your truth with others for fear of judgment, rebuke, ostracism, violence, or similar. We are social creatures. We need love and belonging. I’m deeply sorry if you feel you do not have that. But reaching out to people who are there to help is the first step.

I’ve learned there are two kinds of people in the world: those who can have a conversation involving difficult emotions in a supportive, connecting way, and those who cannot.

Younger me didn’t know such people existed. I had a very narrow worldview and grew up in a family where we didn’t manage our emotions healthily. I thought the rest of the world was either faking it like we were, or maybe there were families out there with functional relationship skills. But how would they even relate to my situation and even if they did, why would they want to help me?

Speaking as a trained crisis counselor, people on those lines absolutely want to talk to you. You are not a burden. They signed up specifically to talk to people in your situation. You are not taking resources away from others who need it more. EA believes that every human on the planet deserves health and happiness. That includes you.

Please try journaling If you’re not yet ready to open up to someone. You can type on your computer, write it out longhand, or even use a transcription app. Many people (myself included) find it very therapeutic to get thoughts out of my head and into the world. It’s also a great way to practice what you might say when you do talk to someone.

My depression was—in part—a symptom of repressing my emotions (especially anger). I worked with a therapist for years on fixing my alexithymia (inability to recognize and label emotions) and learning healthy ways to feel, regulate, and express the full rainbow of human emotions. If this is work you need to do too, please know that it is possible to do. It’s not easy, but the only way through it is to confront it head-on, in a timeline that works for you.

If you open up to someone and it doesn’t click, it’s not your fault. Please do not give up. Reach out to someone else. Hang up and try again. Try a different resource. I know that the energy required to get help can be enormous, and every setback can feel insurmountable. Just know that there is always another option. When I was at my worst, my therapist insisted I go check out a local in-person support group. He wanted me to foster a diversity of support in my life, and it worked. I still go to support group meetings to this day, at least weekly.

MentNav has a list of therapists and coaches who understand EA values if you want someone who will grok you when you talk about existential risk or scrupulosity. But don’t limit yourself. There are many more people out there than you likely realize (mentors, peers, family , friends…) who can step up and be a compassionate witness to your humanity if you are brave and feel them out with a question like “I’m struggling right now. Do you have time to talk?”

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. In EA we take the long view. I invite you to consider what your life could be like in a week, a month, a year, a decade, or even a lifetime. How much good could you do with all that additional time after you get the help you need and deserve? Put on your oxygen mask first; Then help others.

You are not alone. You matter. There are people who want to help. Please, let them. ❤️

Wikipedia’s global list of suicide hotlines