The human condition of giving with expectations

This was originally posted on my Substack in Spanish

Giving without expecting anything in return. It's an idea that moves us and one that we generally hold as spiritual or worthy of admiration, even as part of what should be done. However, how many actually practice it? Many will say it should be done, and then moments later start charging for a service. (If you haven't noticed this, pause for a moment to notice the contradiction: charging is not just expecting something in return, but actively seeking it, a more ingrained expectation.) Is this wrong? What if we abandon the idea that we must be perfect now? And instead embrace the idea that we must move towards perfection with patience and perseverance?

Bridging the cosmological gap, the Buddha proposes a spectrum of the fruits of generosity. The same gift can be given with different intentions, and these determine the level of freedom from suffering:

“A person who offers a gift as an investment, seeking to accumulate something for himself, [with the idea:] 'I will enjoy this after death,' when his body dissolves, after death, reappears in the company of the Four Great Kings. But when the power of this action is exhausted, this glory and this dominion are exhausted, he returns to this world.

(…)

(But, another person)

[I]nstead of thinking, 'When this gift is offered, the mind will become serene; contentment and joy will arise,' offers this gift with the thought, 'This is the ornament of the mind, the support of the mind.' Then he offers the gift—food, drink, clothing, a chariot, garlands, perfumes, ointment, bedding, lodging, or a lamp—whether to an ascetic or a Brahmin.

So, having offered his gift in this way, he does not seek his own benefit, his mind is not attached [to results], he does not try to accumulate anything for himself, [with the thought:] 'I will enjoy this after death.' Nor does he think: 'Giving gifts is good.' Nor does he think: 'This has been given in the past, has been done in the past, by my father and grandfather, so it would not be right for me to let this ancient family custom be discontinued.' Nor does he think: 'I am very well-off, whereas they are not wealthy, so it would not be right for me not to give my gift to those who are not wealthy.' Nor does he think: 'Just as there were great gifts from the wise men of the past (…), in the same way, let this be my way of distributing gifts.' Nor does he think: 'When this gift is offered, the mind will become serene; contentment and joy will arise.'

“But with the thought, ‘This is the ornament of the mind, the support of the mind,’ when his body dissolves after death, he reappears in the retinue of Brahma. And when the power of this action is exhausted, this glory and this dominion are exhausted, he becomes ‘one who does not return,’ and returns no more to this world.” (AN 7:52)

Although not mentioned in the discourse, the purely worldly intentions precede what the Buddha mentions: either worldly intentions of receiving payment; being treated well thereafter; in a work-style way, getting the recipient to do whatever one wants; receiving a gift from that person on a future occasion; or even a verbal thank you—those are outside the discourse, but they would be earlier on the spectrum. (Note that giving with the patience to perceive the fruits after death is rare, and its result, according to the Buddha , is appearing alongside great kings.) Are these bad intentions? I won’t answer that question directly; rather, I will share what I have learned about intentions and the suffering that accompanies them.

How does it feel to have expectations? Following the Second Noble Truth: suffering is caused by sensual desires. Expectations, although not often thought of as such, are sensual desires. If I carry the expectation of receiving a monetary transfer in return for something I did or gave, I carry the desire to perceive images, thoughts, and sounds of a certain kind, to perceive sensory inputs of a certain kind (together called "money"). How does that expectation feel? Is it what you truly want? Many will say it doesn't feel good, and that they don't want to have it, but that it's necessary. Okay, but necessary for what? Perhaps you haven't heard of this, but there are thousands of people in the world, mostly monks, who live happily and healthily without using money (virtual or physical), depending on what others want to give them to eat, or also getting their own food from nature and without intermediaries. It's possible, but...

Let's go back to the spectrum. How many people could let go of the expectation of receiving money until the end of their lives? That's a level of renunciation that very few are willing to embrace. In the meantime, would it be wrong to give something with the expectation of receiving something in return? I suggest you investigate this. The next time you have the intention to give, as you do so, observe your mind. Is there an expectation? How do you feel or perceive it? If you want that expectation to be fulfilled, and asking for it is conducive to that, you can ask. If you're not particularly attached to that expectation, how about letting it go, recognizing that it's just a nervous impulse or a passing thought, and that's it. The Buddha 's proposal is that, even with the expectation of receiving something in return, you can reach a good place, but not the end of suffering. Better than many other places, right?

That suffering is caused by sensual desire is something we can verify through direct experience . And the experiment is life. You can begin. Perhaps by starting with how it feels to expect something in return after giving, and how it feels to let go of that expectation. And with patience, without the pressure of "having" to let go of everything from here to the end, you move forward.

Image courtesy of Jessie Essex, Flickr: https://flic.kr/p/Mb1kqz