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can you explain how?
i believe extreme suffering had the opposite effect on me, making me become a suffering-focused altruist. i don't actually understand how it could make someone ~not disvalue suffering. (related: 'small and vulnerable').
(i mean, i have guesses about how that could happen: like, maybe ~not disvaluing it was the only way to mentally cope with the vast scale of it. living in a world one believes to be evil is hard; easier to not believe it's evil, somehow; have heard this is a reason many new animal-suffering-boycotters find it hard to continue having an animal-caring worldview.
or, maybe experiencing that level of suffering caused a buddhist enlightenment like thing where you realized suffering isn't real, or something. though, happiness wouldn't be real either in that case. i'm actually adjacent to this view, but it sure feels real for the animals, and i would still like to make the world be good for those who believe in it.)
from your other comment:
it still feels mysterious / that comment seems more like 'what you prefer and uncertainty' than 'why / what caused you to have those preferences'